Dear Black Women Giving Me Hair Advice about My African Daughter: Please Stop
I thought this was an intriguing post over on Patheos about the perils and joys of mixed-culture adoption. Who knew there was this issue—partly political too—out there for adoptive parents?
The lady at the mall was right. One day, Naomi will be a beautiful black woman, and I want her to have pride in her hair and feel comfortable in various styles. And if that’s going to happen, it means I have to learn a great deal about her hair… and fast! I’ve done so many experiments on Naomi’s hair — some hits and some misses — that it’s a part of our weekly routine. (I compare it to breastfeeding. I wasn’t able to nurse Naomi, since I missed out on her infancy. But there’s something special about the hours time spent doing hair — it’s our bonding time, the thing we do together that no one else in our family can do…. though her older sister Camille is getting really good at braids!) Sometimes, between hair styles, her hair looks this like this:
And this is where the problems occur. See, there’s a difference between what white women like on black children and what black women like on black children. White women like this hairstyle very much. But when black women see Naomi in public with an afro, they really disapprove. No matter how many braids I’ve done, I get approached if I dare take them out and walk around in public with her.
When I tell people about how much free advice we get from African American women, white people are incredulous. After all, little girls on advertisements and on television have their hair in afros. What’s the big deal? Well, as far as I can tell, there’s a lot going on, socially, politically, and culturally. On Chocolate Hair, Vanilla Care website, there’s a great article called, “The Politics of Free Hair” which is well worth a read. Rory writes about how many people give her unsolicited advice when she takes her daughter out in public with an afro. You really wouldn’t believe how frequently it happens. Rory says it happens every single time she takes her daughter out in public when her hair is natural. I’d agree — sometimes several different people in one shopping excursion.
Yesterday, I was at Target in Spring Hill, Tennessee, and I braced myself. I was in a week of “natural hair” because I was trying to avoid “part fatigue.” The following conversation actually happened ...
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It cuts both ways: June 2000 I moved to the heart of Minneapolis with my new husband. We lived in our old, and somewhat delapidated, apartment building with our refugee tenents, refugees from Samolia, Ethiopia, and an ever changing group in the third apartment because it was rented to Lutheran Social Services as the first stopping place for world refugees they sponsored.
North of us were the Native Americans, across the street to the south a southern black home association, to the west a neighboor hood of folks from Mexico City, to the east a shopping center serving the needs of a mixed community.
I needed a hair cut. Every salon in the area was owned an operated by black ladies. I went to each one in turn and they couldn’t “fit me in”. Finally, one kind beautician told me, “Black folks don’t know how to cut white folk’s hair.” I fell all over myself thanking her for explaining that to me. Finally found an irish barber in the adjoining community who was willing to cut my hair.
[1] Posted by Frances S Scott on 10-4-2012 at 10:50 AM · [top]
Frances,
As part of cosmetology school about 7 years ago, my wife (primary Northern European descent) was introduced to cutting the hair of those of African descent. The students were taught to handle anyones hair.
In general the article shows blatant racism. I would bet if she were black and the childs hair was in an “afro” there would be no comments made after stating that it was just resting between “styles”.
[2] Posted by BillB on 10-4-2012 at 04:04 PM · [top]
And yet Gabby Douglas, our lovely Olympian gold medalist, was criticized for allowing her hair to be natural. They called it “messy.” What exactly do these people want?
[3] Posted by Ann Castro on 10-5-2012 at 08:15 AM · [top]
It’s training. When they were trained, how they were trained…. and how often they get to use their training.
A few years ago, I went to a barber who had the shop on a university campus (this was a holdover from decades ago - just closed last year due to retirement). He was the best barber I’ve had in years. But one day, an African-American student came in for a cut, and the barber was polite but direct, “I can cut your hair, but I am not really trained to do that.” The student left and I felt a bit embarrassed.
But these things do go both ways. Years ago in high school, we had a substitute teacher covering our class. We were mostly white, she was black. She got confused about who a couple of the guys were. We got confused (one was blond, the other had black hair - they didn’t look anything like each other). And then she sub confessed rather sheepishly that she just couldn’t tell all of us apart. We all had a good laugh - students and teacher; white and black.
[4] Posted by Reformed Wanderer on 10-6-2012 at 10:59 AM · [top]
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