Minchin, Messiah, Mockery, Missing the Point and Missing Out

So a number of people have begun to comment on Tim Minchin‘s song “Woody Allen Jesus that was cut from the transmission of the Jonathan Ross Show Christmas Special. For those who haven’t heard of him, Minchin is a fabulously talented songwriter/comedian who shot to fame a couple of years ago by winning the Perrier Award for best newcomer at the Edinburgh Fringe Comedy Festival in 2005, following on from a similar award at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival that same year.
So what was all the fuss about on the Jonathan Ross show? Minchin himself explains,

I thought it would be fun to do a song about Jesus, but being TV, I knew it would have to be gentle. The idea was to compare him to Woody Allen (short, Jewish, philosophical, a bit hesitant), and expand into redefining his other alleged attributes using modern, popular-culture terminology.
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And then someone got nervous and sent the tape to ITV’s director of television, Peter Fincham.

And Peter Fincham demanded that I be cut from the show.
He did this because he’s scared of the ranty, shit-stirring, right-wing press, and of the small minority of Brits who believe they have a right to go through life protected from anything that challenges them in any way.

According to Minchin, this is outrageous. Was Fincham right to do so? Well, judge for yourself. Here is “Woody Allen Jesus”,

So what do you think? Personally, I thought it was dumb (I’ll come to that in a moment) but I’d argue that principles of freedom of speech ought to be at play here. There was nothing outrageously blasphemous here in a way that we don’t see all over our modern media. Why pick on this? Perhaps Fincham was worried about the response? Well, he also has the right to decide what’s best for ITV.
But that’s not my major issue here. Rather I want to spend a little time pointing out 2 other things.

1. Minchin, like so many pop-atheists who fawn over him, is disingenuous about the power (or supposed non-power) of his words.
2. Minchin, like so many pop-atheists who fawn over him, can only attack Jesus by deliberately misreporting and misunderstanding what the Bible has to say about Him.

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So, first of all, the power of his words.
Let’s be clear. Minchin set out here to insult and ridicule. In his blog post he states,

I thought it would be fun to do a song about Jesus, but being TV, I knew it would have to be gentle. The idea was to compare him to Woody Allen (short, Jewish, philosophical, a bit hesitant), and expand into redefining his other alleged attributes using modern, popular-culture terminology.

It’s not a particularly original idea, I admit, but it’s quite cute. It’s certainly not very contentious…

No contentious? Here’s the problem with the pop-atheists - they operate in this universe where their assumptions are unquestionable. It was, of course, a very contentious piece - that was the point of it, indeed that’s the point (and even the beauty) of much of Minchin’s comedy - it’s contentious. It deliberately seeks to provoke and disarm at the same time. SO when he goes on to write,

It’s 2011. The appropriate reaction to people who think Jesus is a supernatural being is mild embarrassment, sighing tolerance and patient education.

he betrays what’s really going on. We Christians are beneath him. We’re an embarassment. And the claim to “tolerance” is just nonsense - the piece had nothing to do with tolerance but was rather another attack on Christianity itself. It didn’t seek to “tolerate” it so much as to seek to further reduce and diminish it - the very opposite of tolerance.
And it’s not as if Minchin doesn’t know that his words are powerful. In his own (quite brilliant) piece “Prejudice” he sings this,

So never underestimate the power that language imparts

Sticks and stones may break your bones but words can break hearts

In “Prejudice” Minchin makes a powerful argument against racism, but in a brilliantly self-deprecating way. Nevertheless, his point is clear - we can do terrible damage with our words. And so why do we find him deliberately mocking people in “Woody Allen Jesus”? So often for those riding on the pop-atheist bandwagon, the rules are different when it comes to religion.

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Second, and more fundamentally, Minchin can only attack Jesus by (deliberately - since he sets himself up as someone who knows enough to offer an opinion on the subject) misrepresenting who Jesus claimed to be and how Christians understand Him. The song is a fine example of the smogasbord of objections that pop-atheists throw out. So perhaps time for some “patient education” as we consider each stanza of the song in turn,

Jesus was a Jewish philosopher, had a lot of nice ideas about our existential fears, much admired by his peers

Short and Jewish and quite political, often hesitant and very analytical
Praise be to Jesus, Praise be to Woody Allen Jesus, Woody Allen Jesus!

“a Jewish philosopher”. Classic understatement. “Nice ideas about our existential fears”. “Much admired by his peers”. Heh

Luke 11:30-31 For as Jonah was a sign to the Ninevites, so also will the Son of Man be to this generation. ³¹ The Queen of the South will rise at the judgment with the men of this generation and condemn them; for she came from the ends of the earth to listen to Solomon’s wisdom, and now one greater than Solomon is here.

Does that sound hesitant to you? Hardly. Jesus didn’t present as a philosopher, seeking to somehow work wisdom out. He comes across as the audacious dispenser of wisdom, far above the “wise men” of His age. How about this:

Matthew 11:21-28  “Woe to you, Korazin! Woe to you, Bethsaida! If the miracles that were performed in you had been performed in Tyre and Sidon, they would have repented long ago in sackcloth and ashes. ²² But I tell you, it will be more bearable for Tyre and Sidon on the day of judgment than for you. ²³ And you, Capernaum, will you be lifted up to the skies? No, you will go down to the depths. If the miracles that were performed in you had been performed in Sodom, it would have remained to this day. ²⁴ But I tell you that it will be more bearable for Sodom on the day of judgment than for you.” ²⁵ At that time Jesus said, “I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children. ²⁶ Yes, Father, for this was your good pleasure. ²⁷ “All things have been committed to me by my Father. No one knows the Son except the Father, and no one knows the Father except the Son and those to whom the Son chooses to reveal him. ²⁸ “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.

Again, note the audacious nature of the claim. You want a “nice idea about our existential fears”? Try out what Jesus says; you’re going to Hades unless you respond rightly to me. And the truth of this has been hidden from the supposedly “wise” people of Jesus’ day. In fact, more than that, all things are entrusted to Jesus. Somehow I don’t think Woody Allen makes those sorts of claims. Far from it. To liken Jesus to Woody Allen is to compare Gary Kasparov to my 6yr old chess-playing son.

Jesus was a great entertainer, doing cool tricks all of the time, turning water into wine, making stormy weather fine

Even now his stunts confound us, kinda did what Derren Brown does
Praise be to Jesus, Praise be to magic Woody Allen Jesus, Magic Woody Allen Jesus!

Fair does to Minchin, it’s a nice plug for Brown who is “a prominent sceptic and a pronounced atheist” and mimics paranormal ability. Simply put, he fakes it for entertainment. Minchin suggests that Jesus faked his own miraculous works, for entertainment. But, of course, the gospels all show Jesus performing miraculous works in order to reveal that He is no mere man. So, for example, the calming of the storm,

Matthew 8:27 The men were amazed and asked, “What kind of man is this? Even the winds and the waves obey him!”

Who is this man, indeed. Same with the water-to-wine miracle,

John 2:11 This, the first of his miraculous signs, Jesus performed at Cana in Galilee. He thus revealed his glory, and his disciples put their faith in him.

Kinda nothing like what Derren Brown does. And speaking of the miraculous, how about rolling out the old straw-man-back-to-not-really-alive-at-all chestnut:

Jesus died but then came back to life, so the Holy Bible said, kinda like in Dawn of the Dead, like a film by Simon Pegg

Try that these days, you’d be in trouble. Geeks would try to smack you with a shovel
Praise be to Jesus, Praise be to Magic Woody Allen Zombie Jesus, Magic Woody Allen Zombie Jesus!

Except that the Resurrection of Jesus is not portrayed as anything like Dawn of the Dead. Dawn of the Dead is a brilliant comedy film about zombies. And zombies are a typical pop-atheist theme rolled out to parody the Resurrection. Which only serves to demonstrate that those making the argument either know nothing about zombies, or nothing about what the Bible says about the Resurrection. A zombie [wiki] is

an animated corpse brought back to life by mystical means, such as witchcraft.

And yet the Bible’s account of Jesus’ Resurrected body is never that of re-animation. It is far more than that. Yes, there is certainly continuity with the previous body (John 20:27) but it’s something far more than that. Jesus has a new body, not the old one zapped up a bit.

1 Corinthians 15:42-44 So will it be with the resurrection of the dead. The body that is sown is perishable, it is raised imperishable; ⁴³ it is sown in dishonor, it is raised in glory; it is sown in weakness, it is raised in power; ⁴⁴ it is sown a natural body, it is raised a spiritual body. If there is a natural body, there is also a spiritual body.

A brief word of caution here. The word translated by the NIV as “natural” is the greek φυχικος, sometimes rendered “soul”. Paul here is distinguishing between the previously mortal/dying body and the new immortal resurrection body (as I have written on in depth before).
The previous was mortal and corruptible, the new body is eternal and spiritually empowered.

Curiously, good old Osiris is a zombie when he is raised, his body stitched back together from however many different parts (depending on which myth you source it from) his body is chopped into. On we go…

Jesus ascended into Heaven, He was an incredible guy, you don’t often find fellas that fly, disappear right into the sky
And only once did he use this ability, with great power comes great responsibility Praise be to Jesus, Praise be to Magic Woody Allen Zombie Superman Jesus!

And here Minchin just ridicules the idea of the Ascension. Aside from mixing up Superman and Spiderman (although it was worth it for the “with great power comes great responsibility” line methinks) there’s not much to say. In fact others have noted the Superman/Jesus links before. Of course the Ascension is a one-off, as Minchin observes. But it’s not so much an exercise of great power as the demonstration of great power.

Ephesians 1:19-21...and [God’s] incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, ²⁰ which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, ²¹ far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come.

It’s not so much “great” power as “enormous” power. Power and responsibility over everthing. And if the end of Jesus’ earthly life attracts scorn, so does the beginning…

Jesus’ mother gave birth to him without having sex with a dude. No, she would never be that rude, never even be nude with a dude.
Breeding without the opposite gender is commonly known as parthenogenesis.
Other animals that don’t need males include a lot of lizards and various snails Praise be to Jesus, Praise be to Magic Woody Allen Zombie Superman Komodo Dragon Jesus

Parthenogenesis [wiki],

comes from the Greek παρθένος, parthenos, meaning “virgin”, and γένεσις, genesis, meaning “birth”.

and, of course, Mary was a virgin. But rather than producing Jesus herself (as demanded by parthenogenesis) there was another source for the divine embryo.

Luke 1:34-35 “How will this be,” Mary asked the angel, “since I am a virgin?” ³⁵ The angel answered, “The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. So the holy one to be born will be called the Son of God.

It goes without saying that parthenogenesis is unheard of in humans’, at least not as a natural phenomenon. If it were to happen then the children would be female, having a double X-chromosome inherited from their mother. So setting aside Minchin’s scorn, quite how does one explain what happened to Mary? The Bible’s answer is that there was a divine action, the Spirit of God “overshadowed” Mary. And yes, there have been reported instances of parthenogenesis in Komodo Dragons. That’s a funny line.

Jesus can communicate with the deceased, like Psychic Sally-
Jesus lives forever, which is pretty odd but not as odd as his fetish for drinking blood
Jesus is in more than one place at a time like an electron or Schrödinger’s feline
Jesus pulled off that water walking miracle, He was as handy as an amphibious vehicle
Jesus had bare feet, long hair, and a beard
Look, I’m not saying it’s me. I’m not saying that I am Jesus. I’m not saying that I am Jesus. I am Jesus! Praise be to Jesus, Praise be to Woody Allen Jesus, Woody Allen Jesus!
Praise be to Magic Woody Allen Zombie Superman Komodo Dragon Telepathic Vampire Quantum Hovercraft *Me* Jesus!

It’s quite a full bridge and final chorus! Communicating with the deceased? I think Minchin just gave up trying at this point. What on earth is he referring to? Fetish for drinking blood? Well, again here we have an inability to comprehend what is being claimed.

John 6:53-55 Jesus said to them, “I tell you the truth, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you. ⁵⁴ Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise him up at the last day. ⁵⁵ For my flesh is real food and my blood is real drink.

If you read that with a rigid literalism then perhaps you might call it a fetish. Vampirism? Not unless Vampires are now also drinking their own blood. I don’t claim to have read any of the Twilight series and only watched the one film I was forced to but I don’t think Vampires insist that others drink their own blood. Jesus Himself has already explained in His own words,

John 6:47-48 I tell you the truth, he who believes has everlasting life. ⁴⁸ I am the bread of life.

Simply put, it’s picture language. To “eat” or “drink” Jesus is to trust him. Nothing more, nothing less. Mind you, Minchin could have a go at the Roman Catholic church with this one. In more than one place? Simply put, no. Jesus is right now in heaven but dwells in His people by His Spirit. The Schrödinger’s Cat line is cute, but hardly the same thing at all. There is no uncertainty about Jesus’ whereabouts in the Bible’s presentation. As for walking on water, all I’d say is that if you can do it yourself, Minchin, then you’re in a position to mock it. Otherwise calling yourself Jesus is overly optimistic. In fact it’s Minchin’s last line that exposes just how juvenile the whole thing is. If any line was intended to offend it was the last one. Else why have it in?

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Out of the 10 or so “arguments” we might be persuaded to give him half a point on the “superman” line. The rest of it is the usual pop-atheist “sceptic” rubbish. Now why write this blog post? Am I so outraged by Minchin’s song that I needed to do something? No, not really. As I said I think he’s got a perfect right to make whatever argument he wants - if only he had mounted an actual substantial argument. Instead he’s provided us with another list of pop-atheist stereotypes and strawmen to bounce off. Don’t be surprised if in the weeks to come you hear some of these arguments repeated in the circles you move in. Well now, hopefully, you have the beginnings of an answer to them. Just because they come wrapped in a catchy melody and a winning smile doesn’t make them any more deep. Rather than sophisticated arguments we have weak soundbites wrapped in childish disdain. Does no harm to point that out once in a while. But it’s more than just that. By mocking Jesus and deliberately missing the point Minchin is, ultimately, missing out. He’s barring himself from any possibility of truly knowing someone as incredible as Jesus. Of course, he might argue it’s too good to be true. But perhaps the next time he comes across something like that the better response might not be to mock that thing, that person, but take a closer look. As things stand his view of Jesus is quite myopic and the only person that really misses out is Minchin himself. Which is tragic. Next Christmas, after all, he could have a far better time than mocking something that he doesn’t yet begin to understand and have plenty more incredible reasons to drink white wine in the sun and so much more.