CAUTION: SATIRE AHEAD
TomInTheBox News Network
TACOMA, WA - Dr. Stephen Daniel, Rector of St. Andrew’s Episcopal Church of Tacoma, recently took a daring step that has since endangered his ministry. Against the advice of several other Episcopal rectors in his state, Daniel introduced Jesus Christ to his church. The response, to say the least, caused a great uproar in the church.
According to Daniel, “Our people have responded to the message of Jesus Christ in one of two ways. Some within the church body are extremely excited because they now see how they can be saved. These folks sensed that there was more to life and church than just the typical Anglican traditions. They knew they had sinned, and are now thrilled to find out that there is actually a Savior.”
Marge Street, a twenty-year member of St. Andrew’s, is one of the happy ones. Marge informed TBNN, “I have been in church ever since I was a teenager, but this is the first time I have ever heard about Jesus Christ and what He did for me on the cross so many years ago. I couldn’t be happier!”
Rector Daniel mentioned, however, that there are others within the congregation who aren’t too happy about all this “Jesus-talk.” Daniel said, “Although some have given Jesus a positive reaction, the reality is that about 60-65% of the congregation has real concerns about how bringing Jesus into the life of the church will affect St. Andrew’s.
<blockquote>Rector Daniel mentioned, however, that there are others within the congregation who aren’t too happy about all this “Jesus-talk.” Daniel said, “Although some have given Jesus a positive reaction, the reality is that about 60-65% of the congregation has real concerns about how bringing Jesus into the life of the church will affect St. Andrew’s.<blockquote> Then why in the world are these 60-65% in church? Why not just stay home an watch QVC, or Dr. Phil, or Oprah? Without Jesus there is no church!
Can this be true - an all parish meeting to discuss the rector talking about Jesus! What were we ordained for if not this. May God have mercy on their souls. Thank the Lord for a faithful priest. My parish will be looking for such a faithful rector after I retire this January. Send resume to Fond du Lac.
Ian +
This is the saddest thing I’ve ever read. A woman has been in the Anglican Church for 20 years, and has never heard about Jesus??? Things were far worse far further back than I ever imagined.
TOMINTHEBOX is a satire site people!!!
But I forget Johnson’s Law. Oh well.
Satire, yes, but so close to truth that it hurts.
Team Tominthebox News Network® is a satirical online blog
But, it sounds so true!
Thank you SpongJohn. Sadly, given the state of TEO the satire is not so obvious.
A woman in a parish I served in Arkansas came to me one day in considerable agitation because her granddaughter had gone off to an evangelical summer camp and gotten “saved.” She wanted me to talk with the granddaughter to disabuse her of such nonsense, reminding me that, “Episcopalians don’t get saved.”
I’m still trying to grasp whether this was satire or not. Somebody please tell me for sure. I just can’t grasp the idea at all that someone who was in the church for 20 years didn’t know about Jesus. And then to read that the congregation is up in arms and having “members-only” meetings about enforcing a rule that Jesus NOT be taught in the church (not even MENTIONED).
Somebody please wake me up. Am I dreaming this? The name Christian comes from the name “Christ”, who was “Jesus Christ” our Savior. How on earth have they missed this simple fact for the last 20 years? How on earth have they at least missed the nativity story for the last 20 years? I can understand if indepth theological understanding is not being taught; the Anglican Church hasn’t done a good job of that anyway. However, to not know who Jesus is???? That just shocks me beyond description.
I might add that I wish I’d had the presence of mind to ask why Episcopalians don’t get saved…was it because we didn’t need to, we were already saving ourselves, or we just didn’t believe in it?
THANK YOU FOR CLARIFYING!!!! This just HAD to be satire. None of it made any sense to me.
You can tell it’s satire, because most real Episcopal priests don’t know who Jesus is either.
Cheers,
Phil Hobbs
It might be a satire site, but I can tell you from personal experience that my wife and I were faced with a very similar situation in our former parish in the diocese to the west of us and over the mountains here in California! Months would pass by without hearing about the saving grace of Jesus Christ and His Gospel.
Gee Whiz, Phil, the PBess doesn’t even know who Jesus is! So what’s wrong with TEO? Well, Duh!
Chip+
I had to go to the site to ‘see’ that it was satire. It just unfortunately sounded too true. I’ve heard folks who swear they never heard about Jesus at their church after their spiritual awakening. Let those who have ears to hear…
Spongjohn,
Johnson’s Law? I googled it and only found Johnson’s Law of Global Worry with a link to this Forbe’s article. Is that what you meant?
I remember hearing stories from the teams that went out from St Paul’s, Darien, and also from other clergy at parishes where renewal was beginning that were in essence the same as this article. For every person who was delighted to learn that they were a sinner who could be saved by the blood of the Lamb, there was another who was horrified that God would not take them on their own merit - or even simply because they were a lifelong Episcopalian. I have heard myself, “Why do we have to talk about Jesus all the time? And why do you keep referring to the Bible?”
This piece may be satire - but it reflects reality, sad to say.
A woman in a parish I served in Arkansas came to me one day in considerable agitation because her granddaughter had gone off to an evangelical summer camp and gotten “saved.”
Presumably, this wasn’t at Camp Mitchell.
1928, “Johnson’s Law” is from Christopher Johnson, of Midwest Conservative Journal. (Go the the “Blog” section of this site) It says that anything you say satirically about the Episcopal Church will come true, usually within a year. In other words, we orthodox lack sufficient imagination to predict the outer limits of the insanity of “the progressives.” No matter how far out we may think something is, it is not far enough.
Got me! It sounded all too familiar until I read the comments. Perhaps they were remembering GC06 where Kendall Harmon’s resolution to reaffirm that Jesus Christ is Lord was deep-sixed in a huff. Perhaps the story should be forwarded “innocently” to -KJS for a public statement? 
The Episcopal Priests know who Jesus is. But they are not in it for Him. They are in it for themselves. The priests rather promote anyone else to God deliberately and not Jesus. All to not offend anyone.
The Episcopal Priests know who Jesus is
And they cry out with a loud voice, saying, “Let us alone; what have we to do with thee, thou Jesus of Nazareth? art thou come to destroy us? I know thee who thou art; the Holy One of God.”
I remember my former rector asking me “Are you going to be one of those Bible thumpers?” I said “Well, yes, I guess I AM!” I left, and never looked back.
On “Getting Saved” as the evangelicals use the phrase, I recall that when Mr. Ford, Mr Carter and Mr. Anderson were in the three way race for the white house, we had the year of the debate. In the wives’ debate (there really really was one!) someone asked about the family’s religious views.
Mrs. Carter of course tossed out some nice words about being born again Christian. Mrs. Ford chimed in that she and the president were also ‘born again.’ Mrs. Anderson responded, “I am Greek Orthodox I was born right the first time.” I wanted to vote for Mrs. Anderson.
“Getting Saved” and “Born Again” as the Fundygelicals use the terms is a thing I actually think most Anglicans regardless of position might view with some concern.
FWIW
jimB
The picture in the satirical article of the supposed Rector, “Dr. Stephen Daniel,” is actually Bishop Mark Lawrence of South Carolina (although I would bet that the picture was taken when he was still a priest in San Joaquin).
I might add that I wish I’d had the presence of mind to ask why Episcopalians don’t get saved…was it because we didn’t need to, we were already saving ourselves, or we just didn’t believe in it?
I tell the Fundamentalists and Bible-Thumpers when they ask me when I got “Saved” that I was saved on Golgotha about 2008 years ago. Works every time.
Yes, the picture was of Bp Mark from 2007 before the final election and the priest listed as rector is not the current rector of St. Andrew’s it is a fictional satire which hits the TEC mark all too easily.
Hi JimB,
And just how do you think the “fundygelicals” use those terms?
I think that those who reside within the expression of Christianity that consecrates non-celibate gay bishops, embraces buddhist monks, pagan wizards, Muslim priests, promotes Jesus as one magic bus among many other magic busses to “the divine”, female pronoun liturgies for abortions…etc…ought not to throw stones at traditions that use words like “Born again”
Glass houses and all that…
Is this problem in Fr. Daniel’s congregation happening because he’s moving too fast after having been there a short time? My own congregation when I arrived over 14 years ago was like Fr. Daniel’s. I took about five years before I began to introduce Jesus talk. But, by then, everybody trusted me enough to be open to it. The hard-core nonChristians drifted away, and evangelical neoconservative young families began arriving and explicitly I allied myself with them. We began hiring evangelical student ministries staff who evangelized the kids at all levels. Now no one has any problem when I mention in a sermon that in order to be assured of salvation a person must accept Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior, and we’ve even added an explicit requirement to our Bylaws requiring that Vestry members have to have done so, and shown the results in their lives.
This is the Episcopal story of actually keeping Jesus in a very tiny box, carefully hidden out of sight in order not to disturb!
I prefer Dave virtue’s satire!
Of course this was written very cleverly with “tongue in cheek”. Be that as it may it is clear that many in TEC have traded in Orthodox theology for “Barney” theology. Like the song says “I love you, you love me! We’re a happy family.”
I prefer Chris Johnson, but this is close to his. Fooled me, because it’s all too true! HAH!
In re all of the comments about Johnson’s Law, I would humbly suggest that we have a communication problem. To explain further, having noted the reference to “Johnson’s Law” in the comment by SpongJohn SquarePantheist at [5], above, I googled “Johnson’s Law” only to discover four references to different formulations called “Johnson’s Law,” none of which were to the one explained by AnglicanXn in comment [20], above.
In addition to Johnson’s Law of Global Worry (cited by 1928 PB Loyalist at comment [17]) there are also: (1) a Mr. Johnson’s Law, a song by Terrence Howard, (2) Johnson’s Law of Organizational Health, and (3) Johnson’s Law of Expectations, having to do with wine ratings.
It seems to me that it might be advisable to append the initials or first name of the originator to the surname, Johnson, to any future such references, solely in the interests of avoiding confusion or perplexity.
Blessings and regards,
Martial Artist
Hi MA (36)—
Johnson’s Law refers to Christopher Johnson, proprietor of the Midwest Conservative Journal. He states in his law that any joke made regarding TEO eventually proves to state the reality of that organization. For instance:
“Next thing you know, TEO will have female priests who claim to be both Christian and Islam. Ha-ha-ha-ha—”
“Oops.”
That should be Muslim instead of Islam. Sorry about that.
[37] SCMichael,
I do believe that I quite clearly referenced the unambiguous reference to, and explication of, the “law” attributed to Christopher Johnson, proprietor of the <font color=“blue”>Midwest Conservative Journal</font>, kindly provided by AnglicanX, in my comment at [36]. Nevertheless, it was most gracious of you to provide it yet again, albeit redundantly. However, it doesn’t solve the problem of ambiguity in making an otherwise undifferentiated reference to “Johnson’s Law,” which, by its very lack of further identification, does not refer to the particular “Johnson’s Law” to which the writer has reference. Disambiguation is called for, particularly in light of the fact that “Christopher Johnson’s Law” is not among the first page of returned references by Google.
Blessings and regards,
Martial Artist
I googled “Johnson’s Law” only to discover four references to different formulations called “Johnson’s Law,” none of which were to the one explained by AnglicanXn in comment [20], above.
#36, Sorry MA, I think they’ve disappeared with his old site. But to avoid ambiguity in the future, I’ll call it com.themcj.JohnsonsLaw
Amusing satire. For the record, the parish of St. Andrew’s Episcopal Church, Tacoma, WA talks a lot about Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior and is excited to do so. Yours in Christ,
Martin Yabroff, Rector
“Somebody please wake me up. Am I dreaming this? The name Christian comes from the name “Christ”, who was “Jesus Christ” our Savior.”
Off topic, but a Bible study I was once in was asked to leave the open-air courtyard where we met for lunch. The courtyard was open to the public, especially for people to get together while eating their lunch, but we were told by the property owner they didn’t like “religious groups” meeting there.
The name of the property owner? The Young Women’s Christian Association; it was the courtyard of the YWCA.
Jesus who?? isn’t he that “in community guy” who is the great creator of program ministry.
Careful with that salvation stuff. One may have to bring up Heaven & Hell which is taboo in TEO.
Ref. “Marge Street”, anyone reading the BCP should know who Jesus is and what he did for us, despite the inadequacies of their rector.