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First Day in the Mad Country

Tuesday, July 22, 2008 • 1:02 pm


I've traveled to Mali, Ivory Coast, Morocco, Japan, S. Korea, China, Taiwan, Hong Kong, Israel, and Mexico but after a day here, in Merry England, I have to say that for the first time in my life, I'm in culture shock. It was probably the driving that did it; the five foot wide two lane roads flanked by stone walls and hedgerows; the mad English drivers who hurtle their cars down these roads expecting, somehow, to squeeze between oncoming traffic (Sarah and me) on the one flank and the deadly barriers on the other; the ridiculously high number of traffic roundabouts; the mystical and nuanced signage...driving in England is what it must be like for non-Anglicans visiting the average Anglican parish. If you do not know how to find your way around you shouldn't be here in the first place.

It was a very difficult afternoon but after many twists, turns, and near fatal almost accidents, Sarah and I managed to find our way from the hotel to the University of Kent, passing through Canterbury on the way. The University is quite large and sprawling, about the size of larger state university in the United States. Given the driving hazards, the signage, and the general difficulty of getting anywhere without wrecking, the British press will likely run rings around the Americans at least for the first week or so.

The press situation is rather bleak all around. The press officer at Lambeth HQ (I suppose that is where we were) was very close to shutting us out. Due to the "extensive media interest" he said, bloggers were no longer being credentialed. After some delicate diplomacy and providing proof that we'd applied and been accepted in advance, we managed to swing the famous blue lanyards. Rejection wouldn't have been disastrous, there's lots to cover beyond, above and below the newsroom, but from my experience at General Convention and the House of Bishops meetings, its always a good idea to know where the press gaggle is going and what they're excited about.

In any case, as we were in the process of wresting media passes from the cold steel grip of the press officer, a tired looking man in rumpled black clericals emerged from a back room, crossed the floor and exited the building. I'm so familiar with Canterbury's photograph, his appearance five feet away from where I was sitting seemed natural. routine. It took a moment for my mind to register who it was and that I ought to take note. As soon as I did he was gone.

But there were other bishops in the HQ.

I reintroduced myself to an orthodox bishop from the Episcopal Church I met in Jerusalem. I asked how things were going. He shook his head and said that the Americans were being "obnoxious" and unbearable, trying to run the show. I asked whether there'd been any resistance. "Oh yes" he said, "people are not taking it lying down". There is a lot going on "behind the scenes" he said. I don't know whether he meant that there is resistance from within the group of American bishops or resistance from without. Looking back on it, I think he mean eternal resistance because he went on to speak admiringly of the Sudanese statement released yesterday.

Having received our media passes and the famous blue lanyards along with a free parking ticket, which we are told is essential if you don't want to have your tires locked, we left the HQ and headed toward the campus sports center, which is close by, to see if we could manage some passes to the university gym. If we don't manage to get a few workouts in we'll both go crazy. Turned out to be a bust. Lots of severely out of shape western bishops were trundling in and out of the place (apparently they get a free gym pass) but they said we couldn't work out for any less than five pounds each a day.

The sports center is very close by the facilities where the indaba groups and self-select sessions are being held. On the way back we saw what I thought was an indaba group but now that I look at the schedule (it was the afternoon) must have been a self-select session sitting on the grass in a circle listening to a young woman who was standing in the center speak about her personal experience of something (I couldn't hear all that well). After she was finished the bishops applauded and the group moved inside. It was a weird image, all those bishops sitting cross-legged in the sun at the Lambeth Conference. The feel of it was not what you'd expect of assembled bishops contemplating the weighty matters of the Church, but, as Sarah said, more like a flashback to a 1970's freshman college philosophy class but with old people instead of freshmen. Next we passed a group of middle aged and senior women (bishops' wives?) doing what seemed to be a sort of outdoor very low impact aerobics to hip hop music (I think that's what it was). They looked somewhat embarrassed but it was a beautiful day and I don't blame them for wanting to be outside.

We hoped to go to the press room and take a look before heading to the hotel to sleep off the jetlag but the press room is, and I think Ruth Gledhill mentioned this, far and away from any of the actual Lambeth events. If you hang out there it would take you a good fifteen minute jog to get to any major center of activity. At this point in the day, we were just hoping to find our way back to the hotel without crashing or winding up in France so we skipped the press room.

Tomorrow is another day. Things are, I see by the news, heating up. We'll be back on campus early to try to get our heads around it all.
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Comments:

the five foot wide two lane roads flanked by stone walls and hedgerows; the ridiculously high number of traffic roundabouts;

That’s nothing compared to what I feel when I visit the States and see all these straight and incredibly dull 20 meter wide two lane roads, with the ridiculously large number of traffic lights. It just doesn’t have any character. And it’s a huge waste of land.

Although it sounds as though you could have picked a better route. Surely its motorway and A roads all the way from Heathrow to Canterbury?

[1] Posted by Boring Bloke on 07-22-2008 at 02:40 PM • top

As has been said, “England and America are two countries separated by a common language.” Good luck!!! Don’t step in any indaba.

the snarkster

[2] Posted by the snarkster on 07-22-2008 at 02:44 PM • top

Well, we’ve got plenty of land to waste, Boring Bloke.

[3] Posted by Cennydd on 07-22-2008 at 02:46 PM • top

Hmmm, I drove with friends from Camberley, Surrey, to Canterbury and the roads were excellent and multi-lane. I hope y’all didn’t get bum directions, Fr. Matt! I must admit to being envious—the English countryside, especially in Kent, is soooo beautiful!

[4] Posted by teatime on 07-22-2008 at 02:51 PM • top

“...they said we couldn’t work out for any less than five pounds each a day. “

My British pound-sterling-to-U.S. dollar converter tells me that would be $20.04 for the both of you to work out, per day.

I invite all of my fellow Stand Firmers to support a workout for one or both of you, for each day of your stay.
Here’s the original link: http://www.standfirminfaith.com/index.php/site/article/14251

I think we need a catchy slogan (maybe another thread, Greg?)
Something like:  “Let’s put up the pounds, so they don’t put on pounds”

I will start things off with my pledge of $20.04!

[5] Posted by heart on 07-22-2008 at 03:07 PM • top

In the United States, 200 years is a long time.  In the United Kingdom, 200 miles is a long way.

[6] Posted by Ed the Roman on 07-22-2008 at 03:10 PM • top

It’s always fun to drive a SUV through the small streets of not just England, but Europe in general.  Matt, you’ve brought back “fond” memories of having to squeeze my Isuzu Trooper through some pretty narrow streets.  Other drivers usually got out of my way since I had the bigger vehicle!  Just give it a few days and you’ll get used to it.  I didn’t have a hard time adjusting to driving on the “wrong” side of the road in England, but going backwards through traffic circles blew my mind the first few times I had to do it.

[7] Posted by Gartenfrau on 07-22-2008 at 03:14 PM • top

Boring Bloke,

Your words were almost the exact sentence a friend from overseas said to me a few weeks ago when he arrived for a visit.

He flew into a major hub instead of into our city because we were “quite close on the map.”  What he didn’t realize was that “quite close” was 220 miles and about 3.5 hours of interstate driving through two states and a couple of major cities enjoying their summer construction season.

[8] Posted by Rom 1:16 on 07-22-2008 at 03:36 PM • top

I think my fondest memory of the British Isles was flying in from the sunny South into a heat wave. I still have the section of the Times discussing the sweltering mid 70’s (F, low 20’s C)  temperatures. For my entire stay everyone was complaining but me.

Europe has climate, not weather, in any meaningful sense.

As fresh as a blushing June bride, in July.

[9] Posted by Matthew A (formerly mousestalker) on 07-22-2008 at 03:45 PM • top

Eh! Boring Bloke you missed at least one spelling error - tires! Gad!

[10] Posted by iceworm on 07-22-2008 at 04:03 PM • top

Matt & Sarah,
Make sure you stop by the Millers Arms Inn/Pub for some sticky toffee pudding and some liquid refreshment.  You’ll feel better about the driving.  Its just a few blocks to the northwest of the cathedral and I believe it has a wifi hotspot so it would count as a work venue.  Just Google Millers Arms Canterbury for the map location.

I hope you both have a blessed time.  Canterbury is a thin place.  The juxtaposition of the ruins of St. Augustine’s Abbey so close to the majesty of the Cathedral is quite evocative.

Driving down south isn’t so bad.  You could be driving a large vehicle on one of Scotland’s remote islands where only one lane is the norm. (No, nobody coming or passing slows down.)

[11] Posted by Tom Hengel on 07-22-2008 at 04:13 PM • top

Irish friends coming to Memphis got tickets to Miami because they were cheaper than direct to MEM.  After the finally got to Memphis they asked could we drive over in the morning to view the Grand Canyon!  Wish Sarah and Matt could snap pictures of each other on their cell phones so we can see their frustration.  Also, video of any outrages.  They don’t need a gym, just do the 15 miles a day walking necessary to see and be everywhere.  When they go to bed, by the time they have the covers straightened out if they aren’t asleep, then get up and do some more work and walking.  Enjoy.  I love the English tea time and Wheatabecs in the morning.

[12] Posted by PROPHET MICAIAH on 07-22-2008 at 04:18 PM • top

Too right, #1!
And does Matt seriously think he has a right to an enclosed exercise gym wherever he may go?  Your legs work just as well on streets/pavements/footpaths and green lawns!  Can you remember how to do push-ups, or anything else from elementary school gym class?  Jumping jacks? the very definition of aerobic exercise…. and so forth. 
That sort of expectation may be yet another reason people think of ‘ugly Americans’.

[13] Posted by TACit on 07-22-2008 at 06:24 PM • top

Joyce Carlson says:
On my first trip to Canterbury, I was 7 months pregnant with the beautiful child that turned out to be Anne Kennedy. Her dad and I had just gotten off one of the Channel ferries, on our way to Horsleys Green in Buckinghamshire, to spend the summer teaching linguistics. We’d taken a train from Dover to Canterbury where we had a Bed and Breakfast booked for a couple of nights. You would have thought (me being pregnant and all) that we’d have gotten a taxi to wherever the B&B;was. But no. Anne’s dad-to-be was interested in saving every pound and shilling he could, so we walked. “The place is just around the corner,” he kept saying. But it wasn’t.
  And what made everything so much worse for me, aside from being saddled with too much stuff and a baby-in-waiting, Anne’s dad was preceeding me with a large orange suitcase balanced on his head (the way he had learned to carry heavy things in Africa). Needless to say, all the speeding cars slowed down, and all heads turned as we trundled our way through the quaint English streets.

[14] Posted by nyiresan on 07-23-2008 at 03:46 AM • top

Congratulations, Matt+.  You made Ruth Gledhill laugh.

[15] Posted by Katherine on 07-23-2008 at 10:22 AM • top

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