BREAKING AGAIN: Shell of Archbishop Akinola Collapses, Disappears in Puff of Smoke

How did he eat the chicken…that’s what I want to know.

How did he eat the chicken…that’s what I want to know.

With a side of mashed potatoes, corn-on-the-cob and a biscuit!

No potatoes ......... grits and greens.

“Dozens of people spontaneously combust each year. It’s just not really widely reported.”

When asked for comment, a spokesperson for the Archbishop of Canterbury stated that the “happenstance” should not change the number of reserved hotel rooms for the Lambeth Meeting in 2008.

Does this mean more shells will be attending?

Should we be saving our socks to send into the VRAC headquarters?

The puff of smoke is the self destruction of the Double Secret Wireless Control Pod (DOSEWICOP) surgically implanted in Archbishop Akinola’s brain by the IRD and the Vast Right Wing Anglican Conspiracy to control his thoughts. The DOSEWICOP is programmed to self destruct upon discovery to prevent the Episcopal News Service and the Church Times from having physical evidence of the devices. Expect other GS Primates soon to disappear in their own puffs of smoke! Christopher Johnson, we need immediate action by the Anglican investigator…

LOL, Publius!! Somehow I think we’ll be seeing the DOSEWICOP in upcoming installments of Jake telling the world all about the VRWAC….

“Does this mean more shells will be attending [Lambeth 2008]?

Better shells than whitewashed tombs.

“Archbishop Akinola Collapses, Disappears in Puff of Smoke”

Praise the Lord!  The Rapture has occurred!!
Hey, why am I still here?

The shell-shocked crowd, displeased at the shell game played out before their very eyes, exclaimed earnestly, “One must have a hard shell to survive these days.”  Finding the good Archbishop just a shell of his former self, they pleaded, “How can he escape this C-SHELL of computer hell?” The crafty Bishop MM quickly answered “Just type ‘!’ U Unix!“Who’d shell out good shekels for entertainment like this when it is free?

Shell loam

Sparky - OW!!!

Shill shell shall tell.

I wish I could meet you people in person!  Seriously, do the revisionists/progressives have a sense of humor?  Does anybody know?

Hoping the Archbishop would come out of his shell, Oscewicee typed ow!!! and Katherine person! Irenaeus fingered the Jake brake causing flatulent sounds to subside, and to Katherine, just ask: “Think outside the bun TM you progressive hard shells!

This is an OUTRAGE, an OUTRAGE I tell you. I have been patiently waiting for my share of the jack out of the IRD/Trilateral/Bushy Haired Man/ Grassy Knoll/ Albino Monk headquarters. And what do I find out?  They’re standing around slapping together Archbishop Pinatas (18.99 plus tax- see pamphlet for details)  With paste and paper and balloons bought with my hard earned jack.  Hey guys next time put some candy in that Global South Bishop Pinata.  That way when it puffs away at least something good remains.

Do they think this is easy?  You try arranging 88 chicken dinners with only 5 hours notice. You try finding scandal and heresy in a stalwart, orthodox church like TEC. You try finding the authentic African Voice. Do you know how many people wanted Oprah? Oprah, like we could ever get her. You try making pop up theology texts for those grass hut Bishops. I am through, finished, kaput, DONE.

It all goes, the lapel pins, the coffee mugs, the tshirts, the banners, the billboards, the Superbowl spot, the Broadway Play. All of VRAC promos are out. That will show them. SHELLS !!! I’ll give them Shells. On second thought at 18.99 ea they can pay retail.

Following the collapse of the robes and vestments, someone opened the curtain to the south transept to discover Bishop MM sheepishly grinning and pulling the strings.

When asked, +MM said there really never had been an Archbishop Akinola. He was a figment of the imaginations of Naughton and Fr. Jake which came to life when they forgot to put on their tin hats.

“It was mind over matter, ” +MM said, “until I found the strings which I have played so elegantly for the past few years.”

He said Naughton and Jake were extremely offended when he (+MM) took control of the strings and were fearful that since it had been discovered that +Akinola does not and did not actually exist, they have wasted considerable energy and bandwith challenging and criticizing thin air.

“Had they worn their tin hats, their thought waves could not have escaped and conjured up the figment that was +Akinola and the entire situation, including the demise of the Episcopal Church, could properly have been avoided.,” +MM concluded. “It is now clear that the fall of the TEC is fully in the hands of Jake and Naughton rathern than the Archbishop of Canterbury.”

When last seen Jake and Naughton were scurrying around, looking behind curtains to see if they could find the strings to ++Rowen, whom they are now convinced is a figment as well and being controlled by none other than ++Henry Luke Orombi.

“What they don’t know,” +MM said. “+Orombi is a figment tool, but I have his strings along with those of +Akinola. The situation is under control.”

“Ooh! Mrs. [offensive word deleted] exploded!”
“Good thing, too.”
“Oy! She was my best friend!”
“Oh, don’t be so sentimental, Mother. Things explode every day.”
“Yes, I suppose so. Anyway, I didn’t like her much, really…”

Comment deleted by Commenatrix.  Violation of posting guidelines.

NWOhio Anglican

Ms. Hey edited your post because you violated Stand Firm rules.  You then reposted using a variation of the offending language.  That post is being deleted.  This is your one warning.  Do not violate the rules again or you will be banned.

Seriously, do the revisionists/progressives have a sense of humor?  Does anybody know?

Yes….the answer is no, they don’t have a sense of humor.  They are miserable unhappy people…even those who refer to themselves as “gay”....and rather than attempting to find out what makes us happy, they are hell bent on making everyone else as miserable as they are.

Very well. Perhaps one should just provide a link to the appropriate Python transcript?