First, let me offer ‘the good.'
In some ways, leaving TEC was like closing the door on a bad party that started as a family reunion and ended in a fight. The door closes, you walk away, and you leave it behind... and the noise subsides. The silence is uncomfortable for a little bit... but pretty soon you think to yourself, "Hey, no one is shouting any more!" It feels different... and it feels good.
The debate and the rancor in TEC had created a high pitch noise behind every single aspect of the ministry at Christ Church. New members always asked where I stood on "the issues." The coffee hour had become a chat-fest about the latest comment, blog entry, election, or opinion of some bishop or clergy leader. I had postponed a needed building project because of the Episcopal crisis. I could not raise any funds for our future. Our vestry was very concerned about the impact on attendance and giving. And the whole purpose of our ministry - to make disciples of Jesus Christ and to teach them to obey the commands of Christ - was getting lost in the noise of a fractured and contentious church. Visitors to our church on Sunday slowed to a trickle. Our mission was being sidelined.
Leaving was closing the door on all of that... It took me almost nine months to recover from the process, but once I was outside I began to remember why I was in the ministry to begin with. It was not to fight with family members... but to reach a world desperate for the Good News of Jesus Christ. I started to gain the strength of the early days of my faith for a new era in my life. I started to dream again.
I can sense a renewed heart for the lost and the unconverted returning to me. I just finished a preaching series on Jonah entitled: God's Heart for the Lost. I can feel a returning desire to share my faith, bring others to know Christ, and counsel and encourage brothers and sisters in their faith. Many people have noticed this in my demeanor and preaching, my energy and my conversations. It is, in my opinion, a returning zeal for the Lord and energy for mission.
Oddly enough, the personal financial cost this has been a good thing too. Make no mistake, the financial cost for clergy is high... for some close to retirement, it could be very high. Episcopal priests are members of the Cadillac of all pension funds. If you pay into it for 30 years, you are blessed. If you leave before, you are frozen at the point of your departure. I had 24 years in... only six years away from retirement. I'll have some retirement when I turn 60. But only some... not nearly what I had been scheduled to receive.
But this has not been bad for me. Previous to my exit from TEC and its pension fund, I had been thinking about my coming retirement with great expectation. I had envisioned my ministry as extending only six more years. But now I know that I cannot conceivably retire in six years. This has forced me to think about my ministry as lasting the whole of my natural life. I won't retire because I can't!
I count this as a good thing. My horizon has been stretched out. Now I think about the next half of my life and ministry and it could last another 25 years. This has helped me take better care of myself, reengage my study life, relax a bit more, and learn new things. For the first time in my life, I am taking vitamins! If I had held onto my pension parachute, I'd be floating down now... instead, I feel that I am starting to soar.
Also, I have had a number of conversations with younger men and women about the ordained ministry in the Anglican scene in North America. I am refreshed by their zeal. They really don't care that much about who is ‘in' and who is ‘out' and what the next deadline is. I meet them up at Trinity School for Ministry, where I am the Chairman of the Board. I met a few of them at Nashotah House on a recent visit there. I hear from several via email or phone calls who are students in other seminaries. I can't put my finger quite on it yet, but it seems that God may be raising up new leaders for a new Anglicanism in our culture. I pray it is so: eager, passionate, young, and faithful leaders for a new day.
But there have been some hard things to deal with too. I want to be honest and frank about these as well.
Christ Church (and its clergy) are no longer are part of a recognized brand of church. This is difficult. The brand of the Episcopal Church was an easy handle to use to describe our congregation for the past 21 years. I could say to someone I'd meet, "I'm the rector of an Episcopal Church... " and though they might not know much, chances are they would nod in familiarity. They had heard of it before. They might raise an eyebrow or give a nod... but they knew that it was one of the ‘mainlines.' We had brand-recognition.
But now we have little brand recognition. We are linked within the Anglican Communion as a congregation within the AMiA. But we don't have a recognized label anymore. We might be seen by some as random church on a random corner in town. What do I put on the sign?
Again, this is not all bad. It is forcing us to get real about our presence in the community and making a name for ourselves among the people... rather than relying on denominational identity to do it for us. We have new efforts underway at Christ Church to serve the community... for the love of God in Christ... and to help identify our church as a place of compassion and joy.
Another difficult thing about leaving has been trying to stay off the blogs and the Internet. Obviously, since I am posting this on Stand Firm, I have been unsuccessful in freeing myself from the regular doses of drama about the Episcopal Church. I see TEC in my rear view mirror, so to speak, but sometimes I can't stop looking. It is like watching the television series "Lost." It is surreal. After an hour you realize that you have been sucked into an intricate and interconnected drama where everyone has past connections to everyone and everything else. Is the story winding down or just getting started? You don't know... Stay tuned.
As a congregation, Christ Church has not had this problem. They have been terrific about reengaging the mission of our church and getting on with it. We left in September of 2006 and launched a major capital campaign in October. We raised over 9 million dollars in pledges to build a new building, recondition our children's ministry building, expand our fellowship space, and give $500,000 to our mission efforts. They have moved on, praise God!
It has been most hard though in a very personal way. This past year I have felt that I've been recovering from a long winter of discontent and abuse. I am an evangelical Anglican... a respected position in most quarters of the world, but trashed in the American church. And yet I loved the Episcopal Church. The Episcopal Church was the cradle of my faith in Jesus Christ. But two things changed, I guess. I certainly changed my level of commitment. I came to a bold confidence in Scripture and our historic faith after some very challenging years and a personal conversion to Christ. But the Episcopal Church changed too. We changed in opposite directions. Some on the progressive side would say that it ‘grew up' beyond its closed-in self. I would say it became feral... wild at its heart.
But I have to quickly add that being out of the old system if very energizing. There is plenty of work... the field is ripe with harvest. And for the first time, we have an open door to do what God has called us to do.
I have concerns about the proliferation of jurisdictions in North America. I am not alone at all in this. Not a single member of the clergy in CANA or AMiA or Kenya or Uganda or the Southern Cone wants real boundaries between us. We understand Episcopal oversight and the need for clear lines of accountability. But we want to be connected, coordinated, and able to move across these boundaries when called or needed. We want to be, as the mission of the Network says it: united. I fully expect this to take shape over the next few years... in real and tangible ways.
Statistically, our attendance fell off about 7-10%, but only a few of our leaders left. Generally, the people who left were those on the outer ring of involvement. The staff has been welcomed into the AMiA with great and open arms. We are happy there... and challenged with their vision of mission. Our giving rebounded at the end of last year and we had a set a record for total receipts. This year our attendance is nearly back to where we were when we left. The last new member class was full. We've added another service on Sunday morning. We have seen increases in nearly all bible study groups, outreach ministries, and other adult ministries.
That's the good and that's the bad... and some of it is ugly. But now, here is the hopeful part. Since being ‘out' of the Episcopal Church I have realized that there are many others who I didn't know that have a deep passion for mission too. I have Anglican colleagues in Christ I didn't know before. I have met many men and women in the much-maligned AMiA who genuinely love the Lord and at great personal cost, have vowed to serve him as their highest honor. Most have not had the blessing of what I have experienced. We kept our buildings... I didn't miss a pew or a paycheck. But these men and women stepped out in faith. They left everything. They started over... from scratch... again. They stepped out in faith because they had a strong faith in Jesus Christ. They could not be a part of an institution that didn't claim Jesus as Lord... so they stood apart from it. And they are working now in the mission field. When Rowan doesn't invite their bishop to Lambeth, they don't shutter or fawn, they labor on. Of course they care... we all care about the Anglican Communion... but they care more about mission.
So a year later, I am sanguine. I love that word... I really didn't learn its meaning until later in life. The word sounds sad and mournful... but in reality, it is cheerful and optimistic. That has been my journey over the year. It may sound sad to some... but at the core of my heart and soul, I am more hopeful and eager for God's future for me and my family than I can ever remember being.
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Comments:
Rev. Roseberry, thanks for sharing about your journey, which resembles my own in so many ways. When you step out in faith; get out of the boat; leave the comfort zone, suddenly you have that power by the Holy Spirit to do things you never dreamed were possible. You mentioned your pension; the blogs often talk about how the AC needs TEC because of its money. So sad, because so many are unwilling to get out of the boat and walk on the water, unwilling to trust Jesus. Follow the Lord; He will provide all the things you need to do the work He has called you to do.