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Microsoft Word, Version 815

Monday, December 3, 2007 • 9:02 pm



(Thanks to Saint Dumb Ox for the inspiration)


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Comments:

One free pass to the Laffin’ Place for Saint Dumb Ox.

...back in the Briar Patch,

[1] Posted by Br_er Rabbit on 12-03-2007 at 10:07 PM • top

LOL Kudos to both St Dumb Ox and Greg, I needed the good laugh!

[2] Posted by Hosea6:6 on 12-03-2007 at 10:13 PM • top

How did you do that?  My one regret in life is that the computer came along in my golden years…...

[3] Posted by Dee in Iowa on 12-03-2007 at 10:15 PM • top

I always knew that dratted Clippie was up to no good.

[4] Posted by kyounge1956 on 12-03-2007 at 10:17 PM • top

Dee,

One day you’ll have to come to our secret underground volcano bunker, and we’ll show you all our cool tricks.

[5] Posted by Greg Griffith on 12-03-2007 at 10:18 PM • top

Oh my.

Greg.

I have reconsidered my decision for you to seek other pastures elsewhere and would like you to stay on as my personal assistant!!!!

THIS IS BRILLIANT!!!!!!!

I am covered in admiration.

[6] Posted by Sarah on 12-03-2007 at 10:19 PM • top

For making the dolphin flippers flap:
One free pass to the Laffin’ Place for Greg Griffith.

...from the Briar Patch,

[7] Posted by Br_er Rabbit on 12-03-2007 at 10:22 PM • top

Greg - is your “underground volcano bunker” the latest offering of the catacombs?  Keep the bunker clean as you can never be sure when we all might have to make a mad dash for same…....

[8] Posted by Dee in Iowa on 12-03-2007 at 10:38 PM • top

That’s hilarious.  But shouldn’t Clippy be wearing a knitted prayer shawl? 

I’m just wondering what the 815 spell and grammar checker would suggest if someone typed in “Jesus is the way, the truth and the life.”

And the thesaurus must be a real doozy.

[9] Posted by Cathy_Lou on 12-03-2007 at 10:53 PM • top

I think if you typed in “Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life” that the “THE” would automatically become “a” instead.  It’s sort of the 815 default, thanks to the Presiding Oceanographer.

[10] Posted by HeartAfire on 12-03-2007 at 11:02 PM • top

Would “orthodoxy” bring up a mandatory “purported”/“alleged” option?

[11] Posted by yohanelejos on 12-03-2007 at 11:07 PM • top

I love this so much, I kept hoping you will expand on it with more features, etc. It is so funny!

(But isn’t the underground volcano bunker the hide out of the bad guys in the movies? And don’t visitors wind up trapped in a pool of sharks or something?)

[12] Posted by Deja Vu on 12-03-2007 at 11:08 PM • top

Greg, you rock.  Wickedly funny.  All too true… about both Microsoft and 815

This post needs a beverage-spewing alert warning.  It was a VERY VERY close call with my laptop just now.  I just barely managed to swallow before chocking and coughing and laughing hysterically.

[13] Posted by Karen B. on 12-03-2007 at 11:11 PM • top

that should be choking.  My eyes are still watering from laughing so hard, so not able to see to type well!

[14] Posted by Karen B. on 12-03-2007 at 11:12 PM • top

I can’t help notice that Clippie’s clip is bent. Is this an indication of his/her role at 815?

[15] Posted by Dr. N. on 12-03-2007 at 11:19 PM • top

And Arial, too…how very droll…  smile

[16] Posted by ElaineF. on 12-03-2007 at 11:40 PM • top

Oh, this is just too, too good, Greg.  My husband and I both laughed out loud when we saw this!  Kudos, my friend.

P.S.  Got our “I Like Iker” buttons today.  They’re great!  We bought extras to give to friends.

[17] Posted by Connie Sandlin on 12-04-2007 at 12:19 AM • top

“I can’t help notice that Clippie’s clip is bent. Is this an indication of his/her role at 815?”

You wouldn’t expect him to be “straight” would you?

[18] Posted by Marie Blocher on 12-04-2007 at 01:21 AM • top

I hope that Bishop Schofield will be persistent in following the Holy Ghost and take his diocese right out of the picture.  So Your Grace you keep right on doing the work of the Lord and following the Holy Ghost.
But it is 815 and the liberal dioceses that have left The Episcopal Church and Anglican Communion. Not the conservative dioceses. 
Here is a shocker that 815 must come to terms with.  There is NO national church.  They treat that as a taboo, a term that they will cause them to go into shock or have a massive cerebral thrombosis…But there is NO national church.  THERE IS NOT A NATIONAL CHURCH, THERE IS NOT A NATIONAL CHURCH, THERE IS NOT A NATIONAL CHURCH!!!!!!!!! For 815 to except that is heresy to them.
+Stonewall

[19] Posted by BishopOfSaintJames on 12-04-2007 at 03:25 AM • top

It’s not Clippie’s fault, he was born that way.  God loves him just the way he/she is.

[20] Posted by Pageantmaster ن on 12-04-2007 at 06:38 AM • top

I saw the headline on my RSS feed and the first thing to go through my mind was a mixture of “great minds think a like” and “idea stealing &^@@$%@#$.” 

But the credit was given and all is well….Karen B. is right, this should have a drink-spewing warning.  I love it.  Well done, my friend. 

Now I want to see a series of panels like a comic book (Deja Vu’s idea…not mine.)

[21] Posted by Saint Dumb Ox on 12-04-2007 at 08:18 AM • top

Be certain to visit MCJ http://themcj.com/3515 and see “Clippy Strikes Back!”  One of those rare cases where the sequel equals the original.

[22] Posted by APB on 12-04-2007 at 08:58 AM • top

Greg ... this really, really brightened my day!!

—Paul
ABP

[23] Posted by Anglican Beach Party on 12-04-2007 at 11:29 AM • top

Microsoft Word, Version 815

Go ahead and get the Microsoft Office Suite, 815 Edition.  The Excel program contains macros for automatically computing 0.7% of budgets for MDG’s.  grin

[24] Posted by Piedmont on 12-04-2007 at 11:45 AM • top

Wait ‘til you see the membership calculation plug-in.

[25] Posted by Greg Griffith on 12-04-2007 at 11:49 AM • top

Microsoft Word Ver. 815 (The Word) is the choice of progressive spiritualists. The Word comes with the grammar option checked to catch gender references and remove them from all that is written or inspired. A rainbow of features; it also provides testing of the reviser to reasserter ratio and a file integrity check. Revisions are tracked for your convenience and there is the possibility of team collaboration in future editions. Get The Word from TEC - official distributor for the ABC of Lambeth. Available from an Episcopal Visitor in your area.

[26] Posted by Dr. N. on 12-04-2007 at 12:11 PM • top

I tried using this version, but whenever I typed the names of orthodox clergy, the darn autocorrect function removed the plus signs…

[27] Posted by tired on 12-04-2007 at 12:23 PM • top

Heart Afire wrote:


I think if you typed in “Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life” that the “THE” would automatically become “a” instead.  It’s sort of the 815 default, thanks to the Presiding Oceanographer.

Heck, at this stage I’d be pleased if KJS gave Jesus that much credit.

Wolverine

[28] Posted by Wolverine on 12-04-2007 at 12:34 PM • top

tired, you must have the autoupdate program installed. I disabled it, because it was running so much that it slowed my computer. Also, when autoupdate is installed, a spyware program watches your keystrokes and sends questionable activity to 815.

[29] Posted by Dr. N. on 12-04-2007 at 12:35 PM • top

All users on the TEC network in Virginia need to Shut Down and Restart their computers to install the latest patch which deletes “Divide” and “Division” from the spell check dictionary.

[30] Posted by Piedmont on 12-04-2007 at 12:37 PM • top

I printed off both Greg’s fine artwork (inspired by St. Dumb Ox) and the other wonderful “cartoon” on Midwest Conservative Journal, and shared them with my rector. He has taken both with him down to the diocesan office where he is lunching with the bishop. (Hmm . . hopefully the bishop is ready for a medicinal laugh!)

[31] Posted by Jill C. on 12-04-2007 at 12:46 PM • top

I don’t know, Dr. N., you may be right.  Around the same time, the default font changed from arial to that weird font:

<font size=“26” face=“Earwig Factory”>BOOTH BEERS BLACK</font>

[32] Posted by tired on 12-04-2007 at 01:09 PM • top

One command I am having trouble with is that files are no longer “Saved”.  They’re just “Accepted” and I have no idea where they have gone.

[33] Posted by Dr. N. on 12-04-2007 at 01:20 PM • top

Dr. N, that’s too good!
Jane, Edwin’s wife

[34] Posted by Edwin on 12-04-2007 at 01:40 PM • top

And way to go, Sheepdog
Jane, Edwin’s wife

[35] Posted by Edwin on 12-04-2007 at 01:40 PM • top

Dr. N.

That is a change that comes with Unicode.  Under Tools, click Protect Document.  Then you will be able to find them by looking under the Documents and Settings for a directory titled “Small Box.” 

For some reason, all my file Propert<u>i</u>es are now held in some new directory titled “Implied Trust.”

[36] Posted by tired on 12-04-2007 at 01:42 PM • top

Very funny. I like the third option the best. When will Executive Council, et al, finally realize how hypocritical their silly little term is, not to mention dishonest? Dave

[37] Posted by DavidSh on 12-04-2007 at 02:14 PM • top

Under the “Format” tab the “Borders and Shading” function is disabled.

[38] Posted by Piedmont on 12-04-2007 at 02:18 PM • top

Under the “Tables” tab go to “Autofit” and click on “Everyone” to make room for everybody at the table.  For other folks go to “Tables” and then “Draw Table” to create separate table for the <s>children</s> dissenters.

[39] Posted by Piedmont on 12-04-2007 at 02:26 PM • top

<Standing Ovation> Bravo! Bravo!</Standing Ovation>

..and now for an encore?

[40] Posted by wooly on 12-04-2007 at 02:27 PM • top

A big problem with “The Word” is that you can’t uninstall it.  Even if you try to reformat it takes you directly to Clippie as shown at the top of this thread.

[41] Posted by Dr. N. on 12-04-2007 at 02:34 PM • top

i.e., you can dynamite your computer, but you can’t delete 815 Word.

...back in the Briar Patch,

[42] Posted by Br_er Rabbit on 12-04-2007 at 02:42 PM • top

Oh dear…Sheepdog…I hope that Bishop Iker isn’t drinking coffee when he reads that!!! LOL

[43] Posted by Houseownedbythedog3 on 12-04-2007 at 03:54 PM • top

Houseownedbythedog, ah, but I reside, work, and worship in the diocese next door!  (Ft. Worth’s “mother” diocese wink

[44] Posted by Jill C. on 12-04-2007 at 04:03 PM • top

i.e., you can dynamite your computer, but you can’t delete 815 Word.

Well, of course!  Individual documents can leave 815, but word processors can never leave.

[45] Posted by Cathy_Lou on 12-04-2007 at 04:59 PM • top

Sheepdog…we claim you anyways. OK…so I hope Bishop Stanton wasn’t drinking coffee when he read it.

[46] Posted by Houseownedbythedog3 on 12-04-2007 at 06:15 PM • top

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