What ever you do, don’t tell Sarah.

the snarkster

Re: “Kendall’s elves have asked if they can come over to our place and play in the event their server goes down over the next few days.”

WHAT?????

We carefully build a drop-dead unhackable site with masses of traffic and nice commenters who rarely ever have to be elfed—AND NOW THE ELVES WANT TO COME OVER HERE WITH THEIR GLEAMING WHITE FANGS, SLAVERING LEERS, AND BLOOD-TIPPED CLAWS AND “PLAY”???

This’ll be a blood-bath.

Expect your comments to look something like this:

“I . . . [feel] . . . Episcopal [reappraiser, kindly] bishops are [very loving], and only [slightly mistaken].  Let us all [sit quietly] and [pray], in the power [of the Spirit] with [no dissension or resistance].  Simply [read the scripture] in the [corner of your room].”

Signed,

[Lovingly, Aspiring Mother Teresa]

Jeez, I told you not to tell Sarah. You know she is allergic to cookie breath.

the snarkster

Note to Cyber Elves:

Si fractum non sit, noli id reficere!
[If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it!]

Justin Martyr

Ahhh… not true. They get one of the “special guest packages,” which does not include comment editing privileges.

Re: “They get one of the “special guest packages,” . . .

BRING OUT THE CONCRETE BLOCKS, BLOGGERS, AND I’LL PROVIDE THE BOAT!! MEET ME AT MIDNIGHT WITH THE “PACKAGES” BY THE WATERFRONT.  A DARK NIGHT WITH NO MOON --AND JUST THE LOVELY SOUND OF GENTLE SPLASHES IN THE LAKE.

Let me reiterate, in case rumors get started:

Elves WILL NOT be editing anyone’s comments. Only the regulars (me, Matt, Sarah, Jackie,and Andy) will do that, and we probably won’t, and if we do, it be only when we can take a break from counting our crazy IRD blog-money.

Uh, Sarah, while writing Matt at 2.30am about the action in Dallas, I noticed that it was awfully bright outside. ¿Does anyone have an old fog making machine sans black light the can lend us on a moments notice?

GLEAMING WHITE FANGS, SLAVERING LEERS, AND BLOOD-TIPPED CLAWS

Do these “elves” travel in daylight too?

“ You may notice a higher volume of news stories getting posted”

Why, wussup?

Randy, we cross time-zones in a single bound!

Note to Stand Firm commenters: we are alive and well.  Obviously the touted “special guest packages” are not as effective as the Stand Firmioso crowd had hoped.

We promise to play nicely over here though, and swear on a stack of a million oreo cookies that we won’t so much as touch a comma in one of Sarah’s comments. :-;

[Seriously, thanks to Greg to giving us a way in which we will be able to post updates about T19 and CaNNet status should we need to (we hope we won’t!), and also help get out any important news should CaNN go down.]

Oh my!  More Anglicans crossing borders.  What will people say?

Hey, Sarah Hey,
No pun intended.  Give Mary and the crew a break.  T19 has some pretty good, no-holds-barred commenters, too.

Rom, LOL! one of the best comments of the day!  Surely needed the laugh.

I’m concerned.  Does something not seem quite right to others here about elf-girl’s comment.  Oreo cookies?!?  Ummm. Nabisco employs no elves to our knowledge.  So..... why would this elf be swearing an oath on a Nabisco product?  Inquiring minds want to know.

Sarah, I wouldn’t trust that oath if I were you! LOL.

In Fried Green Tomatos, the preacher testifying at Idgie’s trial told an outrageous lie on the witness stand. It turned out that instead of the Bible, he swore on a copy of Moby Dick. So an Elf swearing on a stack of Oreos has the same result. If the Elf really meant it, he/she would swear on stack of Keebler Double Chocolate Chip Cookies. Bad Elf!

the snarkster
pay no attention to those cookie crumbs in my beard.

I resemble that remark!
Chip, (named Chocolate Chip by my intellectully challanged students years ago at the Special Olympics in Chatt)

Isn’t Nabisco owened by the Mormon Church?  What system of ID will be used to be sure they are really elves from T19.  Might be from Ministry of Information at 815.

815 doesn’t have Elves. They have Orcs.

the snarkster

Re: “Give Mary and the crew a break.”

Who is “Mary”?

Might this be a clew as to whom one of the elves might be?

And to discover that one of them might be a woman elf—who is so vicious, mean-spirited, and hacking—really strikes at all I learned in grad school about how dolphin-like and communal and loving and affirming womyn are . . .

Greg seems to be backing away from his old assertion that “we don’t do Elves here.”

PS: Is Greg eating Elf pie?

Now, Sarah, let us not get catty here

I return to the most important question of the day:

WHO IS MARY?

Is she one of the elves?  Has someone slipped, squealed, let the cat out of the bag???

‘Mary’ was a slip of the finger.  Tere are no elvenfolk named ‘Mary’.  My bad!  Sorry for the confabulation and other bits of episcospeak.

heh,heh.
chip

Oh ho!!!  We have NEWS here folks!  It sounds mighty like Chip DOES know the identity of the elves.  If he knows there is no “Mary” it means he knows some names.

How can we torture that priceless info out of him?!

OK, Here is what we do. We can dispatch the elite Stand Firm special operations squad to snatch him up. Once he is in our custody, we can lock in a small room and play a continuous loop tape of “Afternoon Delight” by the Starland Vocal Band at maximum volume until he cracks. Or we could just say please.

the snarkster

Br. Michael,
You’ve got to find me first; and I live waaaayyy out beyond the edge of nowhere, ask Timothy Fountain and midwestnorwegian, they know, but they won’t tell.
Karen B. knows, but she won’t tell either; although I may need to go to Africa to ‘hook up’ wiht a bishop anyway.
I’ve never even heard of the Starland Vocal Band, are they any good, do they do southern gospel?

Maybe the question should be: “Will Chip Johson be at a celebration of the rite of investiture in the context of a festival Eucharistic liturgical expression?”
I am too lazy to go luck up the time of the event...will it indeed be an aaa-aaaaa-afternoon delight?

I’ve never even heard of the Starland Vocal Band, are they any good, do they do southern gospel?

OK, Now I am ROFLMAO!!

Snarkster, in my life’s journey I’ve managed to circumnavigate the Starlight Vocal Band but was quickly able find “Afternoon Delight” on a website. After listening to it, all I can say is if you have any respect for the Eighth Amendment, the Geneva Convention, as well the merest dollop of Christian charity coursing through your veins, you will revisit your heinous strategy. Have you no decency, sir?

SInce I am no longer a constituant part of the former Episcopal Church, of course I will NOT be there, Timothy, you know that.  We may watch at lest the opening hoopla on line; but...no, I wouldn’t even if still lived near Mt Alban’s.

Carolyn, Anthony, are they any good?

My, I love a little levity interjected into a miserable Friday afternoon, don’t y’all?

Carolyn, Anthony, are they any good?

Depends on your tastes. How does the New Christy Minstrels meets Up With People strike you?

Anthony: I was thinking more on the line of The Captain and Tennile meet The Archies. Sugar Sugar anyone?

the evil snarkster

Snarkster: Sounds plausible; or, perhaps, the 1910 Fruitgum Company and the Cowsills, stirred vigorously?

I yield!
I confess that I am not now, nor have I ever been an elf.  Beyond that statement I can make no comment.

The check is in the mail.
I’ll still love you in the morning.
The part is on the bus.
I did not have sex with that woman.
I am not an elf.

the snarkster

I’ve always worn these cowboy boots.

Chip.... No..... why did you finger me?  Why?!  I thought you were...(sob)… my friend.  I thought...(sniff)… I could TRUST you!  You said such nice things about Lent & Beyond.  But it was all sweet talk, so you could betray me!

And WHY did I ever tell you who some of the elves were?!?!?!?  Oh rue the day.

They’re gonna come after me next!  I mean I know plane fare to the middle of nowhere in West Africa is exorbitant, but they’ve got all that loot from IRD.  Heck, they can even hire a private Lear Jet.  You know how ruthless Sarah can be!

Well, I was wanting that holiday in the middle of the Sahara desert with some Tuareg friends.  I guess I’d better go into hiding.  But I’m heartbroken.  If I flee tonight, I’ll never get to see KJS’ investiture.  I was SO looking forward to it.  Whatever shall I do?!?!

Re: “Karen B. knows, but she won’t tell either . . . “

AH HAHHHHHHH!!!!!!

So we’ve established so far that two commenters on the StandFirm site—one Chip Johnson and one Karen Boyle—know who the elves are, and that one of those elves names is “Mary”.

Frankly, I will be appealing to Greg to ban both of these witnesses who are impeding the investigation until such time as they decide to do justice and turn state’s evidence.  Not only are they impeding the investigation, but really, how can we trust these two if they are in fact consorting with the enemy?  For them to hang out with those sorts of people does not speak well for either their morality or—at best—their good judgement.

StandFirm will be happy to pay for the two witnesses’ Witness Protection Program, should they decide to take advantage of our offer.

But until that point, I recommend that they thrown off the blog, cast into outer darkness, where there is weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth.

Oh my...........

Thanks y’all for the rotflmfo this evening.  However, you really need to put a “spit warning” on these types of threads. (Does anyone know how to get dried Hot Chocolate out of the keyboard?  I think that I have the monitor cleaned up...)

Snark--if you need more instruments of “persuasion” I have some old Barney CD’s you can have....

Re: “Snark--if you need more instruments of “persuasion” I have some old Barney CD’s you can have....”

Now, now . . . Summersnow . . .

. . . that is going too far.

I appreciate your enthusiasm for justice and Truth and certainly we live in dangerous times, with bloodstained elves prowling around dark corridors [thanks to the unfortunate trust and good nature of our webmaster, who seems to have lost all sense of proportion or security-sense].

But we are kindly souls here.  And certainly we must not, in our zeal, become like The Enemy.

I believe in violence, concerning elves, especially if one needs to defend our loves ones or property against their incursions.

But I certainly do not advocate torture under any circumstances.

Although I cannot speak for others on this blog, I myself am a Moderate.

Well, I’ve got guards around the house.  The Tuareg friends are ready should I need to flee into the desert.

BTW, I meant to let you all know, Starland Vocal Band won’t work on me.  I owned the 45 when I was 14 (or thereabouts) and listened to it for weeks on end. So.... I’ve got incredible SVB antibodies.  Immune.  Totally.  Hey maybe we can use my antibodies to make a vaccine against the Stand Firm Mafia for Chip and others in danger.

Karen B.: You have forced me to bring out the big gun: Muskrat Love (Captain and Tennille version). There is no known antidote for overexposure. Even deafness doesn’t work as it continues to rattle around in your head until your brain implodes. Nyah ha ha. You can not resist. Give us the names or else.

the evil doctor snarkster

...I love you....you love me....(heh, heh, heh)....

Desperate times call for desperate measures…

Screaming in terror....!

I really did not want to do this this,but you made me do it.’Here’s a Pepper,there’s a Pepper..wouldn’t you want to be a Pepper too.....’

paddy,

Me friend, that’s really, “I’m a Pepper, he’s a pepper, wouldn’t you like to be a Pepper too?” And, besides, you have to know the significance of “10, 2, and 4” to really be a Pepper too,

Mary B. told me nothing, she is innocent.

Ooops, make that Karen B.  See, you’ve gone and gotten me confuseder.

“Yummy yummy yummy, I’ve got love in my tummy
and I feel like lovin’ you.”

Alas,kind Chipster,I must have spilled my DP
‘My love grows where my Rosemary goes’

Am I going to have start quoting from my copy of Bored Of The Rings?